Constructing the perfect female

How does one construct the perfect human being? In a human sex class, I learned that there are researchers who actually study this sort of stuff. So let me take a stab at this discipline of psychology (it was at this point that I learned that psychology is very much full of BS (no offense to psych majors)

1. Eyes - It's a toss up between Aishwarya Rai and Audrey Hepburn. I give the edge to Audrey hepburn because her eyes are so big that she almost looks like an anime characters. Those eyes are like saucers or something.

2. Face - Aishwarya Rai wins out this one. Perfect face; she's a Helen of Troy. And I wish she'd forget about Bollywood and take Hollywood roles. Sell out like the rest of Hollywood, actors act! Kissing an actor is part of the job; you're not actually kissing anyone for God's sake!

3. Legs - Jessica Simpson has the legs of a racehorse. She must do stairmaster for 6 hours everyday or something. It's true that everything is bigger in Texas I guess...However, I must decline because I think there is such a thing as too much. I'll go with Gemma Atkinson

4. Bum - Yes yes this will be a very trite answer but yes I'm going to say Jennifer Lopez. It's a freak of nature. She owes that caboose her entire career. I know that it's for the best and I shouldn't complain, but what the hell has she been doing for the last 5 years? You don't hear about her doing movies, music, or anything.

5. Chest - This will definitely be a contentious one, there really is no right answer. I'll go with Jennifer Connelly for the time being on this one. She got a breast reduction surgery even!

6. Body - Subjective again, but I pick Gisele Bundchen here. There is certainly a reason she's a model. Abs of steel pretty much.

7. Lips - No I'm not going to put Angelina Jolie here. Her lips are just plain scary. I'm going with Priyanka Chopra. She has nice full lips and doesn't look like a mutant like Angelina

8. Hair - I have a thing for nice long tresses. I think the right haircut on even a plain jane can make a girl look irresistible. I'll go with Kate Beckinsale up above. Brilliant marketing by Diet Coke. Perfect way to get the male demographic interested in diet soft drinks that taste like shit.

NIH should get on this project right away. Why are we wasting time looking for a cure for AIDS? This is way more worthwile BY FAR!!!!