Looks like the NFL has problems too...

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2007/writers/don_banks/07/24/vick/index.html

You can put a thug in the NFL, but all the money in the world can't take the thug out of him. I hate thugletes, there were many at my undergrad college who had no business being at a so-called elite school. All American pro leagues need to clean up their act starting with the NBA going down the list. Send this guilty-ass thug to jail; that's true gangsta.

Ho-hum another starlet in jail

http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/Movies/07/24/lohan.arrest/index.html

I'm sure everyone's heard of this by now. All I want to say is that the solution is not another slap on the wrist referral to a Malibu rehab center or fine. The spoiled brat needs to rot in jail, or better yet just lock herself in a spaceship along with Paris Hilton, tara reid, and Nicole Richie on a one way trip to the sun. This brat thinks she'll win an Oscar and be a serious actress? Yeah right...good luck on being taken seriously anymore by anyone.

Yi Jianlian holding out, Team USA floundering, and ref corruption -- other than that the NBA's great

Fans have known for a long time that the NBA is not what it used to be. I can't even watch regular season games anymore not involving the Suns and a few other select teams. There's no heart from players nowadays or real sense of rivalry. Players back then were in it for the money, but atleast they didn't mail in games and played with palpable intensity. Today's NBA players are robots with both fans and the media, and have a reputation for being pricks a la Kobe Bryant.

I'm sure everyone's heard about the ref corruption. Great, now refs aren't only incompetent bastards, but now they're corrupt bastards too. I bet Rasheed Wallace is sitting at home saying "I told you so" at this very moment. It makes me suspicious too; to think that the last few years of play in the NBA have even been legit.

Team USA is another problem in itself. Adding Jason Kidd was a very good thing. He's the kind of player that needs to be on Team USA. There should be a character screen from now on. I;m tired of arrogant thugs like Melo who may be ballas, but take international competition lightly. From now on, force these guys to live in the Olympic Village too. If it's good enough for Jordan, Barkley, and Malone then it's good enough for Lebron, Melo, and D-Wade

Another thing that makes me pissed is when players "force" themselves out of situations by demanding trades, etc. The worst example of this type of behavior is when drafted players do this type of maneuver. Even worse is when entire governments do the same thing. Well, this is what the Yi Jianlian circus is in a nutshell. I commend the Bucks organization for standing up to the Chinese government sporting body, an entity known for being duplicitous. Their reasoning makes no sense. His marketing potential won't be dented at all if he plays in Milwaukee. If you're good, you get endorsement deals, plain and simple. Look at Lebron he plays in Cleveland. If he doesn't want to live in Milwaukee, which is what I think is the real issue, then he wouldn't be any different from any other NBA player. Most NBA players unless they play in LA or New York don't actually live in the city they play in. It makes no sense to even do that because half of their games are on the road and then there is a substantial break between seasons (when Yi will be playing for China's national team presumably).

Further, Chicago is literally an hour away if he wants to be among a big population of Chinese people so badly. And after YOU ACTUALLY PLAY AND PROVE SOMETHING in the NBA then you can negotiate yourself to LA, New York, or wherever you desire. Yi and the Chinese sporting body are being big crybabies. You can't just force your way in America like you did back in China; there are rules here and being a bully won't work. the best thing for Yi to do is play for Milwaukee -- it'll be a good place to develop.

Plus, it goes against the ethos of the draft. The draft is supposed to help small market teams without big payrolls get better. Regardless if this Yi thing is solved, the NBA can count that as one positive in the last 5 years in this dysfunctional league. Count me out on watching the NBA next year. David Stern needs to regain American fans and stop catering willy-nilly to the international scene

If I were a Persian Prince....

A zany college friend of mine made this. Pretty good, eh?

Constructing the perfect female

How does one construct the perfect human being? In a human sex class, I learned that there are researchers who actually study this sort of stuff. So let me take a stab at this discipline of psychology (it was at this point that I learned that psychology is very much full of BS (no offense to psych majors)

1. Eyes - It's a toss up between Aishwarya Rai and Audrey Hepburn. I give the edge to Audrey hepburn because her eyes are so big that she almost looks like an anime characters. Those eyes are like saucers or something.

2. Face - Aishwarya Rai wins out this one. Perfect face; she's a Helen of Troy. And I wish she'd forget about Bollywood and take Hollywood roles. Sell out like the rest of Hollywood, actors act! Kissing an actor is part of the job; you're not actually kissing anyone for God's sake!

3. Legs - Jessica Simpson has the legs of a racehorse. She must do stairmaster for 6 hours everyday or something. It's true that everything is bigger in Texas I guess...However, I must decline because I think there is such a thing as too much. I'll go with Gemma Atkinson

4. Bum - Yes yes this will be a very trite answer but yes I'm going to say Jennifer Lopez. It's a freak of nature. She owes that caboose her entire career. I know that it's for the best and I shouldn't complain, but what the hell has she been doing for the last 5 years? You don't hear about her doing movies, music, or anything.

5. Chest - This will definitely be a contentious one, there really is no right answer. I'll go with Jennifer Connelly for the time being on this one. She got a breast reduction surgery even!

6. Body - Subjective again, but I pick Gisele Bundchen here. There is certainly a reason she's a model. Abs of steel pretty much.

7. Lips - No I'm not going to put Angelina Jolie here. Her lips are just plain scary. I'm going with Priyanka Chopra. She has nice full lips and doesn't look like a mutant like Angelina

8. Hair - I have a thing for nice long tresses. I think the right haircut on even a plain jane can make a girl look irresistible. I'll go with Kate Beckinsale up above. Brilliant marketing by Diet Coke. Perfect way to get the male demographic interested in diet soft drinks that taste like shit.

NIH should get on this project right away. Why are we wasting time looking for a cure for AIDS? This is way more worthwile BY FAR!!!!

An exercise in superficiality

Many people have told me that I'm a superficial person and I would have to agree for the most part. Invariably, when my friends and I see some pretty girl we go into the requisite guy talk going something like this:

"Oh dude, did you see that girl?"
"yeah man, the only problem is her _____ is too big/small/abnormal/etc."

I was just wondering why I have to be so nitpicky about stuff like that? Do girls do the same thing when they see a guy too? Then in that case I thought about the stuff girls would say about me and my friends. I'll use myself as an example:

"Oh God, did you see that guy?"
"Yeah, he'd almost be cute except for his _____"

The blank can be filled in with the following I can surmise

1. Large nose - My nose isn't as big as some Indian people's, but it is a bit on the ponderous side. My brother has a pretty big schnoz so I should be grateful

2. Short height - I can see this being a common problem. My dad is 5'4 and my mom is 5'2. Genetically, I had zero chance of clearing 6 feet. i try to compensate by staying fit and muscular, which is an insufficient thing to do when you're a munchkin like me. But hell Tom Cruise, Humphrey Bogart, and Tobey Maguire are shorties but they seem to do well for themselves.

3. hairiness - As any Kashmiri, I'm built for mountain living, but in the temperate American climate, it's proving to be unnecessary. I think all real men should have some hair on them; it's simply natural. A hairless chihuahua is unnatural for dogs just as is a hairless man. Women should stop demanding this of us. Regardless, I'm a Chia Pet.

Alright so there you go, I'm not a perfect specimen. Vain, I am. Excuse me, while I schedule some plastic surgery...

Top Six Movie Badasses

If I decided to forget about medicine and go into acting, I know exactly what typecast I'd want: the badass. I'd want to be known as the guy who can wield enough artillery to take out a small country all while getting the babes. I'd have the art of snapping necks and kicking ass down. Every director would call me up if they had a story that called for mowing down hundreds of men and doing death-defying stunts. So, as a homage to my fantasy, I devised a list of top ten movie badasses.

6. Steven Seagal - I think that family guy cutaway said it best. The one where Steve Seagal is beating up a bunch of arctic seals on an iceberg. Yes, Steve is the kind of guy who would do such an audacious thing. He didn't selectively kick ass; the guy was an uncontrollable killing machine in his movies. My favorite move by the guy is the snapping of necks, cheap but so effective. Too bad he crapped out bigtime with that DMX movie; this guy was the shit back in the day. (please refer to Undersiege and Undersiege 2 for good ole Seagal)

5. Bruce Willis - "Now I know what a tv dinner feels like" Bruce Willis gets on this list simply because of the Die Hard movies. The best part about those movies was how fallible the guy was. He was genuinely scared about being in dangerous situations, but he nonetheless perservered. I think that's why he survived into the 90s, whereas these other guys didn't. Plus, I hope he makes a comeback. We need more red-blooded, macho men with receding hairlines.
Watch: DIE HARD, The Fifth Element

4. Bruce Lee - So my brother is a huge martial arts buff. He loves any movie with guys flying around trees and wielding swords. Most of these movies are god-awful in my opinion (I don't get why people love Street Fighter with Sonny Chiba so much). But I'll always make an exception for Bruce Lee movies. Lightning quick moves and he had the whole don't mess with me attitude. Extra points for the cool sounds he makes.
Watch: Enter the Dragon, The Chinese Connection, Big Boss

3. Charles Bronson - Ahhh, I still remember the first day I watched Death Wish. It remains to this day one of the most violent movies I've ever seen. But then again if someone raped your daughter and killed your wife, I think any logical individual would respond by bringing hell on earth. You're not a real action movie aficionado till you've watched Death Wish. It was the precursor for Auh-nuld and Sly flicks later on.
Watch: Death Wish (the sequels pretty much blow), The Great Escape

2. Arnold - I can't spell his last name, but you know who I'm talking about. The Governator was amazing back in the 80s. If you needed a muscly, red-blooded guy to kick enormous amounts of butt, this was your man. Commando is one of my favorite action movies to this day. Paper thin story, but so entertaining. Seriously, Commando's story makes Bollywood movies sound like Shakespeare. Dutch, John Matrix, and the Terminator remain iconic characters. How did this guy get elected, pleeeeeeease go back to acting, will you? But no more movies where you're pregnant.
Watch: Commando, Predator, The Terminator

1. Sly - Stallone gets my number one spot because his movies were generally of better quality than Arnold's. You know, most dudes only get to play one iconic character known by only one name, but Sly played TWO. Rocky was the ultimate underdog and disregarding #5, they all ruled. I was genuinely surprised how much I liked Rocky Balboa, the latest film. I thought Stallone just wanted to revive a character that shoulda been laid to rest, but it was a smart movie and I was cheering for Rocky again. Oh yeah, how can you forget about Rambo. "God has mercy, John Rambo won't". Big muscles? Check. Big guns? check. Foreigner baddies or rednecks to beat up on? Check. How awesome would it be if there was an American platoon made up of John Rambo, John Matrix, and Charles bronson? America would finally solve Iraq for sure.
Watch: Rocky and Rambo

Honorable Mentions: Steve McQueen, Sean Connery (bond and the untouchables), Jet Li, Al Pacino

Day One

Well, it appears I've only missed the blogging bandwagon by about a decade. Better late than never, I suppose. You see, I'm selective on the fads that I join. Facebook? alright I'll do it. Myspace? No thanks. Pogs? Sure! Pokemon? Not so much.

I'll spare the boring details, suffice it to say I am a pretty ordinary person who just recently became a college graduate. Yay! I've joined thousands of other individuals in our great country in that endeavor. One thing I must let the random people who will read this blog know one thing upfront: I like listing things. So I guess I'll kickstart this biatch with a list of some of my favorite things...(cultural references are, incidentally, the first thing on the list)

Favorite Movies:
1. ANY Martin Scorsese - He's my favorite American director. I've yet to find a film by this guy that I hate. Taxi Driver, Goodfellas, Raging Bull, The Departed, The Aviator....

2. North by Northwest - First of all, I have to say that Cary Grant is one of my favorite actors. This guy oozed cool in all of his movies. Albert Hitchcock equals movie gold as well. The story is convoluted, riveting, and has a surprisingly good sense of humor about it. How can you forget that crop duster scene or climbing Mount Rushmore? Plus, Eva Marie Saint...WOWZER!

3. The Great Escape - Hence the title of the blog...I've only watched it three times, but it's probably the best overall movie I've ever seen. Steve McQueen is a badass, plain and simple. It's the perfect guy movie and I don't think I'd ever get tired of watching Charles Bronson in his pre-Death Wish glory (i'm the deeger!)

Favorite Music:
1. The Smashing Pumpkins - Probably my favorite band. You either love this band or not, and I can see why Billy Corgan's voice can be enervating. The musicianship and hooks are there though. I refuse to believe that the reunion, by the way, is genuine until James Iha and Darcy (i'll take melissa auf der maur I guess) are back also.

2. 1980s music - I'm a sucker for synthesizers and balls to the wall music. Hence, my adoration for the tunes of the ostentatious decade. Back then, music was fun, not something dreary nor something lacking musical talent to perform (take any implications you want from that statement about music today). Van Halen, Phil Collins (yes, I said Phil Collins), GnR, Dokken, Michael Jackson...ahhhh musical bliss.

3. Led Zeppelin - As a guitar player, I don't really listen to lyrics when I hear a song. I pay more attention to the background. And for what it's worth, Zep has the best background guitar music of any band I've ever listened to. So you got that going for you, Jimmy Page, which is nice...

Favorite Random Stuff:

1. Inappropriate levels of alliteration - will probably become apparent from the musings in the blog
2. Medicine - Well, it's my intended profession so I'd better like it
3. Retro stuff - Something you can surmise from glancing at my list...old is gold

So there is the initial list for any person to pore over. I think my next post will be something more serious...even though being frivolous is so much fun.