Reflecting back on '07

2008 is only a week old and I'm already nostalgic for 2007. Everyone called 2007 a "year to forget" in political, fiscal, and cultural terms. That may be, but for me 2007 was full of events to remember. Here are specific happenings in 2007 that I was fortunate to witness or be a participant. (Names have been altered to protect identities in some of these potentially embarassing, but fuckin' hilarious vignettes):

1) The Cake incident

The place was Northwestern University and the time was Dillo Day, a daylong festival dedicated to bands and booze. My good friends, Jason and Val, had a bit too much to drink in the span of a few hours. Hardly unusual for Dillo Day, but the real fun starts when we get to the concert held at sweaty, cramped Patten. You know how at concerts people are supposed to sway in unison to the music? Val thought it would be a good idea to NOT sway to the music and instead purposely bump into other people. Imagine someone doing that for a few hours in a piece of shit gymnasium and you might be just a wee perturbed. Although many people got pissed at Val, they mostly quietly grumbled and tried to tell him off. That is, until the band Cake took to the stage.

As the alcohol set in, Val started to yell random crap during the Cake performance. Guess what? Cake got pissed. THey called my friend out for being a douche. It takes talent to piss off a seasoned band. Anyways, like any starstruck observer, Val started to take pictures of the band. After that song, Cake's lead singer said "Please don't take pictures during the performance, it distracts us". The next song, Val continues to take pics and the Cake singer makes gestures to make him stop. The crowd starts to get pissed too and starts roughing up Val. THey first knocked down his camera, then knocked off his glasses. Val calmly put his glasses on and proceeded to take more glasses. Then the crowd starts to mob Val as he tries to take pics. At this point, Val starts swinging punches and elbows at the people around him and storms off while throwing elbows.

You would think this was the end, but apparently the amped-up security for the day was trying to find my friend. My friend overheard on one guy's walkie-talkie "We're looking for a male who assaulted several students at the concert". At that point, he went up to his dorm room and locked the door. After the concert, Jason and I came to the dorm room and saw him lying there with the copious amounts of alcohol starting to wear off. What a great story: I know someone who pissed off Cake!

2) Do I look like fucking mapquest to you?

Funny, this one also involves Val and Jason. We were bar-hopping in Lincoln Park and looking for Lion's Head Pub. We stopped a bald guy on the road and asked him "Do you know where Lion's HEad Pub is?". This guy couldn't be bothered and told us, "Do I look like fucking mapquest to you?"

Val, never one to mince words, said "NO, but you look like a f--." This douche didn't hear him so he followed us around as we walked in the opposite direction. He asked him "what'd you say to me?". Val repeated what he said until this drunk got out of his stupor and started shoving my friend. I tried to help my friend out and his douche friend started shoving me. It could have easily escalated but we just walked away. Cops don't screw around in Lincoln Park; they'll arrest you if they see that stuff because of LP's reputation. If I ever see that belligerent yuppie again, I'll ask him that same question, then kick him in the nuts before Rogaine has time to answer.

3) Oh, you're hard

Nelson, Peter, Fred and I are walking up and down Sheridan Road during freshman week. We thought it would be pretty funny to say very random crap very loudly to scare some freshmen. One of our things was to talk about the "northwestern BDSM" club and how everyone was joining it. Another conversation was talking about the cyanide gas leak at the library last year. Pretty incredulous stuff, but freshmen are too stupid to know any better and they lapped it up.

So as we make a 5th pass on Sheridan, we see a group of ghettoed out black guys and a white poser guy. Fred says to the group "Oh, you're hard!". Most of them said "Fuck you!" etc., but the funny thing was that the guy who got pissed off the most was the white guy with the tracksuit, saggy pants, and tipped to the side hat. This guy went on and on as we passed him and stopped for a few seconds to curse Fred out. In fact,I believe some of the black guys giggled at this spectacle too. Wow, just wo I thought.

4) Dood, it's raining too hard

Peter and I were anxious to hang out with our friend, Arnold, after he got off work. We hadn't seen him in ages because he always had a handy excuse (some were legitimate and others were just stupid). Anyways, this was the day I'd been waiting for.

That is, until Arnold calls us at 5:15 and says "It might rain today so I won't come". We'd been planning our whole fucking week for this meeting, what an asshole! Here's the thing, there was no torrential rain that day; in fact it didn't rain at all. It was a regular overcast late summer day.

He works 2 el stops away from us. So for only a few blocks would he actually be outside. And even then, I need to point something out. There's this thing called an umbrella. It's used by individuals to keep themselves dry. If you want to get fancy, throw on a raincoat. Problem solved. Arnold will never live that one down. From now on, he is the pussy afraid of water.

5) Hitting on a mom and an engaged woman

So this one takes place on Paul's 21st birthday. We went to Bella Lounge,which is not too far from whereI live. When I go out with my friends, we have an unofficial rule (usually I'm the only one who adheres to it): hit on atleast one girl.

Bars and clubs are intimidating and nothing can be more crushing than getting rejected. On occasion, I'm the one who gets to be the rejector. I danced for a bit and then plopped down on a lounge sofa. I struck up a conversation with a woman next to me. She was a decently attractive blonde and I estimate we talked for about 10-15 minutes. It was easy because she was from Indiana and so was I.

All the signs were there: eye contact, hair playing, lip licking, etc. Then I mentioned I was here for my friend's 21st, when she mentioned that she was 34 years old. No problem, i thought. Then she mentioned she had a teenaged kid. WHAT!?! After that, I tuned out and invented some excuse to get back to my friends. Just my luck. When I don't strike out, something like that happens

Another funny, related instance: My friends and I hit up a conversation with these attractive, slim girls. We went on for a while until one guy (who was really sitting nowhere near these girls) tells us to scram. "This is my fiance, you fucks!". The girls didn't seem to acknowledge that guy's statement; it was the weirdest thing. I didn't see any rings, but we didn't risk it. The guy was being a territorial bastard, I just know it. I'm beginning to hate Lincoln Park....

I'm sure there are more stories, but those are the ones that come to mind at this moment. 2007 wasn't just a precursor to 2008. It was a year to remember. If not for chewing out Cake, then definitely for tooly white guys preteding to be black. Here's to 2008 and it's potential for more hilarity and the opportunity to give my friends more shit.