What happened in the last few years? Seriously, so much crap on the tele, with the news being the worst. I just can't stand CNN anymore. Apparently, the only way CNN can compete with Fox News is to report the going-ons with celebs. Punditry and analysis (or what little they had to begin with) has gone out the window in favor of discussing what body part Britney Spears is exposing today.
I mean, who really cares? It's not like there's a shortage of real news out there, both domestically and abroad. Instead, let's make way for pictures of Brad Pitt's new kid and what George Clooney is up to. There's such a demand for celebrity news that they're really starting to scrape at the bottom of the barrel. For instance, I remember seeing on the front page of CNN a story about Brendan Fraser breaking up with his wife. Brendan Fraser? What is this, 1998? It's not like he WAS an A-lister. He NEVER was an A-lister. Ever.
Who knows why this stuff has suddenly burgeoned in popularity. Maybe Americans are so interested in other people's problems because they want to escape their own. This is plausible given how south things are going in this country. Regardless of the reasoning, all this tabloid stuff has no right being on the news. Leave it for TMZ.com and Perez Hilton. Hell, if Fox News is unabashedly conservative then why doesn't CNN become an unabashedly liberal station? Fight fire with fire.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Just crown them already...
Really, if there was anyone harboring hope that the Patriots would lose in the playoffs, those people have now been silenced. The Colts just handed in an EMBARRASSMENT of a game against the Chargers. It was so bad that it was worth commenting on. It was a 4 point game, but what made it so bad was that it wasn't Phil Rivers or LT beating the Colts. Instead, it was a backup QB and the Colts' own defense doing them in. It was a choke-a-rama of epic proportions.
Though hats off to the Chargers, they don't have a chance against the Patriots. Same with anyone in the NFC. Express mail that trophy to Foxboro right now. I mean, what's even the point? Brady won't lose. Too much is on the line and, unlike the Colts, they can handle the pressure. Better luck next year and hopefully Dungy decides to come back.
As much as I dislike their racist, douchebag fans; I just can't hate the Patriots as a team. I'm man enough to admit that. They're so fluid and fun to watch. Even when they were running up the score, I couldn't say I didn't enjoy watching that ridiculously efficient passing game. It's a guilty pleasure, I'm sorry to fellow Colts fans. And as I said in a previous post, it's hard to dislike Tom Brady. Unlike his coach or the fans, he's not an arrogant asshole. Maybe his being a 6th round pick and a backup for Bledsoe has given him that humility. And yes, he's one of the few guys I can say is a good looking guy and not feel gay (this statement is an assent to my friend, Troy). Cleft chin, dimples; it's just impossible to hate this man. He's just too pretty.
So let's just avoid the next month of drudgery until the Super Bowl. Let's just skip to the inevitable result.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
A moment of nostalgia
So I grew up in the 1980s and the early 1990s, which was a bitchin' good time to be a kid. The cartoons, music, video games, toys, and everything were so superior to the pop culture of today. What do kids have today to contend with the awesomeness of Transformers and GI Joe? Dora the Explorer? Yu-gi-oh? Yeah, it's no contest. I'm at that age where I"m beginning to yearn for the carefree days of the past. There's no more time to screw around and be a kid. All I can do is reflect and look back on those times, which is exactly what I want to do with this post. Specifically, I want to comment on two of my big obsessions back in the day: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Nintendo.
If you grew up in the 80s, you couldn't get away from the lean, mean, green fighting machines known as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Literally, they were in all forms of media. Comics, tv, video games, and movies. In addition, the toys flooded toy stores everywhere. Looking back, it made no sense at all why TMNT was such a craze. The premise is that these four turtles and their rat master come into contact with ooze, which transforms Raph, Leo, Mikey, and Don into these anthropomorphic turtles who can walk, talk, and most importantly kick butt. They're named after Renaissance artists and love New York style pizza. If that's not kooky enough, look at the bad guys. Shredder looks like a can opener with a purple cape. Krang is a brain controlling a big robot thing. Baxter Stockman is an anthropomorphic fly and Rat King was a big weirdo lording over sewer rats. We must have all been on crack!
Regardless, I ate it up. In England, I had this TMNT backpack and a coin pouch to buy milk with the logo emblazoned it. I had, and still own, many of the toys. Sumo Donatello, Pop-up Raph, Leonardo with the swords, and some of the bad guys too. I had way more Transformers toys, but only the TMNT toys made the trip from England to America. I watched all the cartoons and my first crush was April O'Neill. I didn't own an NES in England, but I frequently went over a friend's house to play the video game (even if it was a piece of shit). When we moved to America, I got Turtles in Time and that tournament fighter game for the SNES and spent countless hours on those games. When the movies came out, I nearly shat my pants. I recently watched those movies again and I"m surprised how good the first one is. It's no Oscar winner, but it's gritty and tells a good story (well, for a Turtles movie at least).
Love for the Turtles is what united me with my friends in England and America. Of course, we pretended to be the Turtles on the playground. EVERYONE wanted to be either Leonardo or Donatello, I remember. Leo was the leader and Donatello was the smart one. I always favored Raph though. He was the sarcastic rebel, and was kind of mysterious, especially in the movies. He also had a temper, which means he reminded me of myself. Plus, red is my favorite color. Mikey was the tool and no-one really wanted to be him. It's funny; it kind of reminds me of how all the girls had a crush on Paul McCartney or John Lennon from the Beatles, but Ringo and George were all but forgotten. Strange analogy there.
Unfortunately, the god-awful 3rd movie and the Power Rangers were the death knell for my beloved green heroes. I never took to Power Rangers as much as Turtles. I still say the Turtles could kick their red, yellow, black candied asses...
I recently noticed that there's a new Saturday morning cartoon and new video games have been released based on TMNT. But the cartoon strikes me as weird. Granted, I've only seen it a few times on a Saturday morning while nursing a hangover, but it strikes me as too X-treme. Part of the charm of the 80s show was the slapstick nature. You take that out and nothing really differentiates Turtles from the rest of the crap kids today have to watch. Oh well, atleast I can always play Turtles in Time on the SNES which brings me to my second love during childhood: Nintendo.
When we first moved to America, I got my first glimpse of the SNES. Video-gaming was not very big when I was in England for some reason, so SNES was really my first extended exposure to video games. NES was almost too primitive for me; those early games were fun, but I could never really get into them. The sophistication of games on SNES, thanks to better graphics and more plot-driven games, really got me into gaming.
Now in the early 90s, you were either a Nintendo or a Sega guy. For me, it was Nintendo all the way. They just had better franchises: Mario, Zelda, Final Fantasy, Starfox, Donkey Kong....these were my best friends in elementary school. Genesis had Sonic, who was cool but I found the games to be a bit nausea-inducing. Plus, they released so many stupid add-ons like 32X; I just couldn't get into Sega.
My favorite games on SNES were the platformers like Mario and Donkey Kong Country. You could play those levels a billion times and still find them fun to play and challenging. I thought platformers going 3D was a step down actually from those games. Oh, and Zelda. Wow, that game was the first hard game I ever played. In retrospect, it wasn't that hard, but for a 7 year old it was a bitch. It was a fun little adventure game, which i still like to play from the beginning.
Back then, games weren't as mainstream. You didn't need millions of dollars to make a fun game. Games had heart and quirkiness. They weren't all about 3D rendering and CGI movies. Don't get me wrong, the new Final Fantasys and Devil May Crys are simply amazing, but they still lack the charm of old school RPGs and games. Because of hardware limitations, gameplay was always the bottom line. Now I think it's all about graphics, with few exceptions.
For a long time, I subscribed to Nintendo Power magazine. There was no Internet back then. If you wanted gaming news, you had to get it from magazines. The first of the month was always the most exciting time of the year because that's when NP came in the mail. Nothing got you more excited for an upcoming game than seeing cool artwork and screenshots. I saw Angry Video Game Nerd's video about Nintendo Power and that was me back in the day. All those small posters were on my wall in Solon, Ohio. I pretty much got an N64 because of NP.
Eventually, I did get a playstation, but it was kind of the beginning of the end for me and gaming. There was some really good games on playstation, but you could start to see the end of an era for gaming. Out went quirky, fun games and in came high budget movie-style production. As long as Nintendo stays weird, I'll continue to support them.
So maybe I haven't moved on at all. I'm just the same little kid with his knickers and tucked in shirt playing with my Turtles toys and Nintendo....
If you grew up in the 80s, you couldn't get away from the lean, mean, green fighting machines known as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Literally, they were in all forms of media. Comics, tv, video games, and movies. In addition, the toys flooded toy stores everywhere. Looking back, it made no sense at all why TMNT was such a craze. The premise is that these four turtles and their rat master come into contact with ooze, which transforms Raph, Leo, Mikey, and Don into these anthropomorphic turtles who can walk, talk, and most importantly kick butt. They're named after Renaissance artists and love New York style pizza. If that's not kooky enough, look at the bad guys. Shredder looks like a can opener with a purple cape. Krang is a brain controlling a big robot thing. Baxter Stockman is an anthropomorphic fly and Rat King was a big weirdo lording over sewer rats. We must have all been on crack!
Regardless, I ate it up. In England, I had this TMNT backpack and a coin pouch to buy milk with the logo emblazoned it. I had, and still own, many of the toys. Sumo Donatello, Pop-up Raph, Leonardo with the swords, and some of the bad guys too. I had way more Transformers toys, but only the TMNT toys made the trip from England to America. I watched all the cartoons and my first crush was April O'Neill. I didn't own an NES in England, but I frequently went over a friend's house to play the video game (even if it was a piece of shit). When we moved to America, I got Turtles in Time and that tournament fighter game for the SNES and spent countless hours on those games. When the movies came out, I nearly shat my pants. I recently watched those movies again and I"m surprised how good the first one is. It's no Oscar winner, but it's gritty and tells a good story (well, for a Turtles movie at least).
Love for the Turtles is what united me with my friends in England and America. Of course, we pretended to be the Turtles on the playground. EVERYONE wanted to be either Leonardo or Donatello, I remember. Leo was the leader and Donatello was the smart one. I always favored Raph though. He was the sarcastic rebel, and was kind of mysterious, especially in the movies. He also had a temper, which means he reminded me of myself. Plus, red is my favorite color. Mikey was the tool and no-one really wanted to be him. It's funny; it kind of reminds me of how all the girls had a crush on Paul McCartney or John Lennon from the Beatles, but Ringo and George were all but forgotten. Strange analogy there.
Unfortunately, the god-awful 3rd movie and the Power Rangers were the death knell for my beloved green heroes. I never took to Power Rangers as much as Turtles. I still say the Turtles could kick their red, yellow, black candied asses...
I recently noticed that there's a new Saturday morning cartoon and new video games have been released based on TMNT. But the cartoon strikes me as weird. Granted, I've only seen it a few times on a Saturday morning while nursing a hangover, but it strikes me as too X-treme. Part of the charm of the 80s show was the slapstick nature. You take that out and nothing really differentiates Turtles from the rest of the crap kids today have to watch. Oh well, atleast I can always play Turtles in Time on the SNES which brings me to my second love during childhood: Nintendo.
When we first moved to America, I got my first glimpse of the SNES. Video-gaming was not very big when I was in England for some reason, so SNES was really my first extended exposure to video games. NES was almost too primitive for me; those early games were fun, but I could never really get into them. The sophistication of games on SNES, thanks to better graphics and more plot-driven games, really got me into gaming.
Now in the early 90s, you were either a Nintendo or a Sega guy. For me, it was Nintendo all the way. They just had better franchises: Mario, Zelda, Final Fantasy, Starfox, Donkey Kong....these were my best friends in elementary school. Genesis had Sonic, who was cool but I found the games to be a bit nausea-inducing. Plus, they released so many stupid add-ons like 32X; I just couldn't get into Sega.
My favorite games on SNES were the platformers like Mario and Donkey Kong Country. You could play those levels a billion times and still find them fun to play and challenging. I thought platformers going 3D was a step down actually from those games. Oh, and Zelda. Wow, that game was the first hard game I ever played. In retrospect, it wasn't that hard, but for a 7 year old it was a bitch. It was a fun little adventure game, which i still like to play from the beginning.
Back then, games weren't as mainstream. You didn't need millions of dollars to make a fun game. Games had heart and quirkiness. They weren't all about 3D rendering and CGI movies. Don't get me wrong, the new Final Fantasys and Devil May Crys are simply amazing, but they still lack the charm of old school RPGs and games. Because of hardware limitations, gameplay was always the bottom line. Now I think it's all about graphics, with few exceptions.
For a long time, I subscribed to Nintendo Power magazine. There was no Internet back then. If you wanted gaming news, you had to get it from magazines. The first of the month was always the most exciting time of the year because that's when NP came in the mail. Nothing got you more excited for an upcoming game than seeing cool artwork and screenshots. I saw Angry Video Game Nerd's video about Nintendo Power and that was me back in the day. All those small posters were on my wall in Solon, Ohio. I pretty much got an N64 because of NP.
Eventually, I did get a playstation, but it was kind of the beginning of the end for me and gaming. There was some really good games on playstation, but you could start to see the end of an era for gaming. Out went quirky, fun games and in came high budget movie-style production. As long as Nintendo stays weird, I'll continue to support them.
So maybe I haven't moved on at all. I'm just the same little kid with his knickers and tucked in shirt playing with my Turtles toys and Nintendo....
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
The mess that is Pakistan
Yes, I know this is old news, but I haven't had much time to seriously analyze the situation in Pakistan. Unless you've been hiding under a rock, you know that Benazir Bhutto was brutally murdered during a PPP rally. Though this is tragic, it is somewhat fitting given how the rest of her family has died. It seems like no-one in the Bhutto family has died naturally. They've been poisoned, shot, or died in some violent manner. Was Musharraf involved? Probably not, though you never know.
Now I'm somewhat hesitant to give my two cents on Pakistan's volatile situation. I was born in the West, but you can never take the India out of an Indian. I have Hindu family roots in the Jammu-Kashmir region as well. That fact very much biases my opinion of Pakistan. Regardless, I think that Pakistan's stability is crucial for the welfare of the subcontinent. A destabilized nuclear nation with a strong terrorist network is no laughing matter.
That said, what does stability mean for a nation like Pakistan? Every time they've tried democracy, the same thing happens. Leader turns out to be ineffective and corrupt and then a strong-armed (and often military backed) guy comes in. The previous leader goes into exile or meets a violent death. Rinse, wash, repeat. The cycle has gone on since partition. Now enter the two supposed saviors of Pakistan: Benazir Bhutto and Nawaz Sharif. Both of them were no exception to the trend of democratically elected leaders in Pakistan: they were corrupt and ineffective. Sharif did the smart thing and stayed basically out of the current melee in Pakistan. Bhutto, however, came back from exile and, with Western backing, tried to initiate some power-sharing scheme with Musharraf.
Now Western media (by which i mean CNN) did a shitty job of explaining the situation. They treated Bhutto as this Joan of Arc of democracy. In reality, she was the lesser of two evils. She really wasn't going to bring democracy back to Pakistan. Just the appearance of a democracy. The western media neglected to mention how bad of a leader she was and why exactly she got driven into exile in the first place. What really would have happened if Bhutto worked with Musharraf is basically nothing. Just an even more fragile and fractious sham of a government for Pakistanis.
Which brings me to Musharraf. He really is Pakistan's best bet for the forseeable future, as bad as he is. Sure, he's basically flouting basic ideas of modern government, judging by his dealings with the Supreme Court. But he actually ensures some level of stability, believe it or not. Whether he was involved in Bhutto's death or not is immaterial, if he steps down now after that incident, what's the second most powerful entity in Pakistan right now? That would be the Islamic fundamentalists.
I suspect that the real reason Musharraf is still alive is because of negotiations and compromise with the terrorists (done in secret of course). Think about it. He should have been dead by now for his lip service alliance with America. If the terrorists could kill Bhutto, then they can kill Musharraf just as easily. But by negotiating with fundamentalists, he's playing with fire. If his power and authority is constantly being chipped away at, the fundamentalists have a perfect opportunity to seize power.
It's really not a crazy idea even if the majority of Pakistanis are moderate secularists. My mom lived in Iran under the Shah's rule for a few years. Girls wore short skirts, people went clubbing, and generally lived secularly. Did that stop the Ayatollah? Afghanistan was the same way too prior to the Taliban takeover. All that's needed is a perfect storm for a small, but strong, contingent to take over. It happened in Iran and Afghanistan, it can happen in Pakistan too.
So if Musharraf is option A and the fundamentalists are option B, then I pick Musharraf. He shouldn't step down at this juncture. Democracy is always the ideal we hope for, but right now it would weaken the country further and make Pakistan more vulnerable for jihadi takeover.
For example, what happened after Saddam was toppled? The perfect situation existed for terrorists to fill the void. Powerful dictators are antithetical to our personal notion of democracy as the end-all be-all. There are instances however, such as with Pakistan, that it would not be the best template to follow.
I'd like to re-emphasize, I REALLY hope the situation gets resolved. Pakistan should really swallow their pride and ask India for help. America right now doesn't have either a grasp of the situation or the international prestige to tell Pakistan what to do (thank Bush for pissing away all that). India, as a South Asian neighbor, probably has the most expertise to help them out.
Now I'm somewhat hesitant to give my two cents on Pakistan's volatile situation. I was born in the West, but you can never take the India out of an Indian. I have Hindu family roots in the Jammu-Kashmir region as well. That fact very much biases my opinion of Pakistan. Regardless, I think that Pakistan's stability is crucial for the welfare of the subcontinent. A destabilized nuclear nation with a strong terrorist network is no laughing matter.
That said, what does stability mean for a nation like Pakistan? Every time they've tried democracy, the same thing happens. Leader turns out to be ineffective and corrupt and then a strong-armed (and often military backed) guy comes in. The previous leader goes into exile or meets a violent death. Rinse, wash, repeat. The cycle has gone on since partition. Now enter the two supposed saviors of Pakistan: Benazir Bhutto and Nawaz Sharif. Both of them were no exception to the trend of democratically elected leaders in Pakistan: they were corrupt and ineffective. Sharif did the smart thing and stayed basically out of the current melee in Pakistan. Bhutto, however, came back from exile and, with Western backing, tried to initiate some power-sharing scheme with Musharraf.
Now Western media (by which i mean CNN) did a shitty job of explaining the situation. They treated Bhutto as this Joan of Arc of democracy. In reality, she was the lesser of two evils. She really wasn't going to bring democracy back to Pakistan. Just the appearance of a democracy. The western media neglected to mention how bad of a leader she was and why exactly she got driven into exile in the first place. What really would have happened if Bhutto worked with Musharraf is basically nothing. Just an even more fragile and fractious sham of a government for Pakistanis.
Which brings me to Musharraf. He really is Pakistan's best bet for the forseeable future, as bad as he is. Sure, he's basically flouting basic ideas of modern government, judging by his dealings with the Supreme Court. But he actually ensures some level of stability, believe it or not. Whether he was involved in Bhutto's death or not is immaterial, if he steps down now after that incident, what's the second most powerful entity in Pakistan right now? That would be the Islamic fundamentalists.
I suspect that the real reason Musharraf is still alive is because of negotiations and compromise with the terrorists (done in secret of course). Think about it. He should have been dead by now for his lip service alliance with America. If the terrorists could kill Bhutto, then they can kill Musharraf just as easily. But by negotiating with fundamentalists, he's playing with fire. If his power and authority is constantly being chipped away at, the fundamentalists have a perfect opportunity to seize power.
It's really not a crazy idea even if the majority of Pakistanis are moderate secularists. My mom lived in Iran under the Shah's rule for a few years. Girls wore short skirts, people went clubbing, and generally lived secularly. Did that stop the Ayatollah? Afghanistan was the same way too prior to the Taliban takeover. All that's needed is a perfect storm for a small, but strong, contingent to take over. It happened in Iran and Afghanistan, it can happen in Pakistan too.
So if Musharraf is option A and the fundamentalists are option B, then I pick Musharraf. He shouldn't step down at this juncture. Democracy is always the ideal we hope for, but right now it would weaken the country further and make Pakistan more vulnerable for jihadi takeover.
For example, what happened after Saddam was toppled? The perfect situation existed for terrorists to fill the void. Powerful dictators are antithetical to our personal notion of democracy as the end-all be-all. There are instances however, such as with Pakistan, that it would not be the best template to follow.
I'd like to re-emphasize, I REALLY hope the situation gets resolved. Pakistan should really swallow their pride and ask India for help. America right now doesn't have either a grasp of the situation or the international prestige to tell Pakistan what to do (thank Bush for pissing away all that). India, as a South Asian neighbor, probably has the most expertise to help them out.
Like a phoenix rising out of the ashes...
So that old fart McCain managed to win New Hampshire. Hats off to him. The codger was left for dead this summer and somehow he clawed back for the win. I don't really support any of his major policy points, especially concerning Iraq, but anyone who prevents Mitt Romney from winning is ok in my book.
On the Democratic side, Hillary Clinton squeaked out the win. The media is making a big deal out of Obama squandering a high single digits lead in the span of a few days. Here's what I think really happened. The polls lied. Somehow they overemphasized the bump from the Iowa caucus. Regardless, I don't think Barack should be too disappointed. He was getting destroyed by Hillary just a month ago AND he just barely lost at the primary. Often, these primaries are just about doing better than you're expected to do, not how you actually place. If everyone thinks you're going to get 4% of the vote, but you end up with 10%, in a way you're still a winner in the eyes of the public and the donors.
By this logic, that's bad news for Mitt. The guy should have won Iowa because of the sheer amount of money he put in to that campaign. He should have won New hampshire because Massachusetts is part of fucking New England. It was basically his backyard and the guy lost. He should be worried right about now.
In the coming weeks, it will be interesting to see how Barack fares in the Southern states. How will he do in South Carolina, for instance? Florida? Black voters seem to prefer Hillary so I'm wondering if white Southern voters are going to vote for the mixed race black man with the last name rhyming with Osama. And yes, I think American voters are really that stupid.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Reflecting back on '07
2008 is only a week old and I'm already nostalgic for 2007. Everyone called 2007 a "year to forget" in political, fiscal, and cultural terms. That may be, but for me 2007 was full of events to remember. Here are specific happenings in 2007 that I was fortunate to witness or be a participant. (Names have been altered to protect identities in some of these potentially embarassing, but fuckin' hilarious vignettes):
1) The Cake incident
The place was Northwestern University and the time was Dillo Day, a daylong festival dedicated to bands and booze. My good friends, Jason and Val, had a bit too much to drink in the span of a few hours. Hardly unusual for Dillo Day, but the real fun starts when we get to the concert held at sweaty, cramped Patten. You know how at concerts people are supposed to sway in unison to the music? Val thought it would be a good idea to NOT sway to the music and instead purposely bump into other people. Imagine someone doing that for a few hours in a piece of shit gymnasium and you might be just a wee perturbed. Although many people got pissed at Val, they mostly quietly grumbled and tried to tell him off. That is, until the band Cake took to the stage.
As the alcohol set in, Val started to yell random crap during the Cake performance. Guess what? Cake got pissed. THey called my friend out for being a douche. It takes talent to piss off a seasoned band. Anyways, like any starstruck observer, Val started to take pictures of the band. After that song, Cake's lead singer said "Please don't take pictures during the performance, it distracts us". The next song, Val continues to take pics and the Cake singer makes gestures to make him stop. The crowd starts to get pissed too and starts roughing up Val. THey first knocked down his camera, then knocked off his glasses. Val calmly put his glasses on and proceeded to take more glasses. Then the crowd starts to mob Val as he tries to take pics. At this point, Val starts swinging punches and elbows at the people around him and storms off while throwing elbows.
You would think this was the end, but apparently the amped-up security for the day was trying to find my friend. My friend overheard on one guy's walkie-talkie "We're looking for a male who assaulted several students at the concert". At that point, he went up to his dorm room and locked the door. After the concert, Jason and I came to the dorm room and saw him lying there with the copious amounts of alcohol starting to wear off. What a great story: I know someone who pissed off Cake!
2) Do I look like fucking mapquest to you?
Funny, this one also involves Val and Jason. We were bar-hopping in Lincoln Park and looking for Lion's Head Pub. We stopped a bald guy on the road and asked him "Do you know where Lion's HEad Pub is?". This guy couldn't be bothered and told us, "Do I look like fucking mapquest to you?"
Val, never one to mince words, said "NO, but you look like a f--." This douche didn't hear him so he followed us around as we walked in the opposite direction. He asked him "what'd you say to me?". Val repeated what he said until this drunk got out of his stupor and started shoving my friend. I tried to help my friend out and his douche friend started shoving me. It could have easily escalated but we just walked away. Cops don't screw around in Lincoln Park; they'll arrest you if they see that stuff because of LP's reputation. If I ever see that belligerent yuppie again, I'll ask him that same question, then kick him in the nuts before Rogaine has time to answer.
3) Oh, you're hard
Nelson, Peter, Fred and I are walking up and down Sheridan Road during freshman week. We thought it would be pretty funny to say very random crap very loudly to scare some freshmen. One of our things was to talk about the "northwestern BDSM" club and how everyone was joining it. Another conversation was talking about the cyanide gas leak at the library last year. Pretty incredulous stuff, but freshmen are too stupid to know any better and they lapped it up.
So as we make a 5th pass on Sheridan, we see a group of ghettoed out black guys and a white poser guy. Fred says to the group "Oh, you're hard!". Most of them said "Fuck you!" etc., but the funny thing was that the guy who got pissed off the most was the white guy with the tracksuit, saggy pants, and tipped to the side hat. This guy went on and on as we passed him and stopped for a few seconds to curse Fred out. In fact,I believe some of the black guys giggled at this spectacle too. Wow, just wo I thought.
4) Dood, it's raining too hard
Peter and I were anxious to hang out with our friend, Arnold, after he got off work. We hadn't seen him in ages because he always had a handy excuse (some were legitimate and others were just stupid). Anyways, this was the day I'd been waiting for.
That is, until Arnold calls us at 5:15 and says "It might rain today so I won't come". We'd been planning our whole fucking week for this meeting, what an asshole! Here's the thing, there was no torrential rain that day; in fact it didn't rain at all. It was a regular overcast late summer day.
He works 2 el stops away from us. So for only a few blocks would he actually be outside. And even then, I need to point something out. There's this thing called an umbrella. It's used by individuals to keep themselves dry. If you want to get fancy, throw on a raincoat. Problem solved. Arnold will never live that one down. From now on, he is the pussy afraid of water.
5) Hitting on a mom and an engaged woman
So this one takes place on Paul's 21st birthday. We went to Bella Lounge,which is not too far from whereI live. When I go out with my friends, we have an unofficial rule (usually I'm the only one who adheres to it): hit on atleast one girl.
Bars and clubs are intimidating and nothing can be more crushing than getting rejected. On occasion, I'm the one who gets to be the rejector. I danced for a bit and then plopped down on a lounge sofa. I struck up a conversation with a woman next to me. She was a decently attractive blonde and I estimate we talked for about 10-15 minutes. It was easy because she was from Indiana and so was I.
All the signs were there: eye contact, hair playing, lip licking, etc. Then I mentioned I was here for my friend's 21st, when she mentioned that she was 34 years old. No problem, i thought. Then she mentioned she had a teenaged kid. WHAT!?! After that, I tuned out and invented some excuse to get back to my friends. Just my luck. When I don't strike out, something like that happens
Another funny, related instance: My friends and I hit up a conversation with these attractive, slim girls. We went on for a while until one guy (who was really sitting nowhere near these girls) tells us to scram. "This is my fiance, you fucks!". The girls didn't seem to acknowledge that guy's statement; it was the weirdest thing. I didn't see any rings, but we didn't risk it. The guy was being a territorial bastard, I just know it. I'm beginning to hate Lincoln Park....
I'm sure there are more stories, but those are the ones that come to mind at this moment. 2007 wasn't just a precursor to 2008. It was a year to remember. If not for chewing out Cake, then definitely for tooly white guys preteding to be black. Here's to 2008 and it's potential for more hilarity and the opportunity to give my friends more shit.
1) The Cake incident
The place was Northwestern University and the time was Dillo Day, a daylong festival dedicated to bands and booze. My good friends, Jason and Val, had a bit too much to drink in the span of a few hours. Hardly unusual for Dillo Day, but the real fun starts when we get to the concert held at sweaty, cramped Patten. You know how at concerts people are supposed to sway in unison to the music? Val thought it would be a good idea to NOT sway to the music and instead purposely bump into other people. Imagine someone doing that for a few hours in a piece of shit gymnasium and you might be just a wee perturbed. Although many people got pissed at Val, they mostly quietly grumbled and tried to tell him off. That is, until the band Cake took to the stage.
As the alcohol set in, Val started to yell random crap during the Cake performance. Guess what? Cake got pissed. THey called my friend out for being a douche. It takes talent to piss off a seasoned band. Anyways, like any starstruck observer, Val started to take pictures of the band. After that song, Cake's lead singer said "Please don't take pictures during the performance, it distracts us". The next song, Val continues to take pics and the Cake singer makes gestures to make him stop. The crowd starts to get pissed too and starts roughing up Val. THey first knocked down his camera, then knocked off his glasses. Val calmly put his glasses on and proceeded to take more glasses. Then the crowd starts to mob Val as he tries to take pics. At this point, Val starts swinging punches and elbows at the people around him and storms off while throwing elbows.
You would think this was the end, but apparently the amped-up security for the day was trying to find my friend. My friend overheard on one guy's walkie-talkie "We're looking for a male who assaulted several students at the concert". At that point, he went up to his dorm room and locked the door. After the concert, Jason and I came to the dorm room and saw him lying there with the copious amounts of alcohol starting to wear off. What a great story: I know someone who pissed off Cake!
2) Do I look like fucking mapquest to you?
Funny, this one also involves Val and Jason. We were bar-hopping in Lincoln Park and looking for Lion's Head Pub. We stopped a bald guy on the road and asked him "Do you know where Lion's HEad Pub is?". This guy couldn't be bothered and told us, "Do I look like fucking mapquest to you?"
Val, never one to mince words, said "NO, but you look like a f--." This douche didn't hear him so he followed us around as we walked in the opposite direction. He asked him "what'd you say to me?". Val repeated what he said until this drunk got out of his stupor and started shoving my friend. I tried to help my friend out and his douche friend started shoving me. It could have easily escalated but we just walked away. Cops don't screw around in Lincoln Park; they'll arrest you if they see that stuff because of LP's reputation. If I ever see that belligerent yuppie again, I'll ask him that same question, then kick him in the nuts before Rogaine has time to answer.
3) Oh, you're hard
Nelson, Peter, Fred and I are walking up and down Sheridan Road during freshman week. We thought it would be pretty funny to say very random crap very loudly to scare some freshmen. One of our things was to talk about the "northwestern BDSM" club and how everyone was joining it. Another conversation was talking about the cyanide gas leak at the library last year. Pretty incredulous stuff, but freshmen are too stupid to know any better and they lapped it up.
So as we make a 5th pass on Sheridan, we see a group of ghettoed out black guys and a white poser guy. Fred says to the group "Oh, you're hard!". Most of them said "Fuck you!" etc., but the funny thing was that the guy who got pissed off the most was the white guy with the tracksuit, saggy pants, and tipped to the side hat. This guy went on and on as we passed him and stopped for a few seconds to curse Fred out. In fact,I believe some of the black guys giggled at this spectacle too. Wow, just wo I thought.
4) Dood, it's raining too hard
Peter and I were anxious to hang out with our friend, Arnold, after he got off work. We hadn't seen him in ages because he always had a handy excuse (some were legitimate and others were just stupid). Anyways, this was the day I'd been waiting for.
That is, until Arnold calls us at 5:15 and says "It might rain today so I won't come". We'd been planning our whole fucking week for this meeting, what an asshole! Here's the thing, there was no torrential rain that day; in fact it didn't rain at all. It was a regular overcast late summer day.
He works 2 el stops away from us. So for only a few blocks would he actually be outside. And even then, I need to point something out. There's this thing called an umbrella. It's used by individuals to keep themselves dry. If you want to get fancy, throw on a raincoat. Problem solved. Arnold will never live that one down. From now on, he is the pussy afraid of water.
5) Hitting on a mom and an engaged woman
So this one takes place on Paul's 21st birthday. We went to Bella Lounge,which is not too far from whereI live. When I go out with my friends, we have an unofficial rule (usually I'm the only one who adheres to it): hit on atleast one girl.
Bars and clubs are intimidating and nothing can be more crushing than getting rejected. On occasion, I'm the one who gets to be the rejector. I danced for a bit and then plopped down on a lounge sofa. I struck up a conversation with a woman next to me. She was a decently attractive blonde and I estimate we talked for about 10-15 minutes. It was easy because she was from Indiana and so was I.
All the signs were there: eye contact, hair playing, lip licking, etc. Then I mentioned I was here for my friend's 21st, when she mentioned that she was 34 years old. No problem, i thought. Then she mentioned she had a teenaged kid. WHAT!?! After that, I tuned out and invented some excuse to get back to my friends. Just my luck. When I don't strike out, something like that happens
Another funny, related instance: My friends and I hit up a conversation with these attractive, slim girls. We went on for a while until one guy (who was really sitting nowhere near these girls) tells us to scram. "This is my fiance, you fucks!". The girls didn't seem to acknowledge that guy's statement; it was the weirdest thing. I didn't see any rings, but we didn't risk it. The guy was being a territorial bastard, I just know it. I'm beginning to hate Lincoln Park....
I'm sure there are more stories, but those are the ones that come to mind at this moment. 2007 wasn't just a precursor to 2008. It was a year to remember. If not for chewing out Cake, then definitely for tooly white guys preteding to be black. Here's to 2008 and it's potential for more hilarity and the opportunity to give my friends more shit.
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